RESILIENCE: FROM BREAK UP TO BASE CAMP AND BEYOND

Rock Bottom to Sky High

It’s been 18 months since my life crashed. Now I am back and better. This my journey and it’s more than just a fitness one. I share it with you to help, motivate and inspire you to deal with your own tough times that we all, at some point, face in our life.

Rock Bottom…

I woke up with sweat literally running down my face. The bed sheets were damp. My heart was racing. I had not just been running or woken from a nightmare. Something was not right. I was staying at a friends place, who was overseas, so I was alone. I tried to stay calm but something was definitely not right.  I though to myself “If something happens here, no one will find me” as no one knew where I was staying. So I decided to walk myself slowly to the local emergency department which was fortunately, only down the road. I walked in and the nurse asked me what was wrong. I could barely get any words out. I sat down and managed to utter a few words to explain that  I didn’t know what was wrong but that my wife had left me only days before. I was having a massive panic attack. I felt I was going to die. It was the lowest moment of my life.

Sky High

One year later, I found myself – physically and emotionally –  sky high – standing at Everest Base Camp. A life long dream achieved, the hardest physical challenge of  my life and an amazing spiritual and emotional journey after a very grey and challenging year. This is my journey.

The journey

Standing at the foot of the world’s highest mountain was the culmination of an incredible journey of healing, self discovery and growth after the worst year of my life. Breaking up from a 16 year marriage and no longer living with my children was to the say the least ‘tough’. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? There were two options, either spiral into a world of self pity, misery and resentment or make the best of a bad situation and get on with life. I choose the later. Despite many moments of wanting to give up and even check out.

‘I’ve got this’

My journey involved a mixture of traditional psychology, counselling and buddhist mediation and reading plus exercise to look after my physical being. Here’s what I learnt on my journey to deal with the tough times.

Pain can break us or make us wiser

Suffering can destroy us or make us stronger.

Fear can cripple us or make us more courageous.

It is Resilience that makes the difference.

From ‘Resilience’ by Navy Seal Eric Greitens

Gratitude

Whatever is going wrong, whatever you have lost, there is always plenty of things in your life to be grateful for. When I looked at my own life, I realised I still had a lot to be grateful for:

• My health and fitness
• My children
• A place to call home
• Friends
• Family

Gratitude is a wonderful tonic for healthy mind. In fact you don’t have to be going through hell to practise it. Spending time each day thinking about what is working and what is wonderful in your life is a very nurturing thing to do for a healthy mindset.

Cup of tea

The British are famous for drinking tea and rightly so. I have sat down and talked with many friends and people one step away from strangers, over a cup of tea. Talking and sharing is an important way to process tough times. Bottling and denying is not.

Laughter

“Have you come on a lads holiday by mistake. We didn’t come half way around the world to look at some boring Greek ruins. Yeah, you can see that shit anywhere.”

Watching my favourite comedies night after night was pure therapy. For a brief moment you can leave your troubles behind and add something back into your tank. I watched my favourite comedy shows and movies verbatim. It helped. Laughter lifts our soul.

Get Help

We all need a helping hand. Expert counselling and coaching to process and provide direction. See a psychologist does not mean you are weak. It means you are smart because you are doing something positive and constructive to deal with a world of pain.

Look after yourself

When your world is falling down, build yourself up. Look after your ‘self’. Eat well, exercise, have fun when you can and don’t resort to destructive behaviours. It might wash away your woes but it will make you feel worse in the long run.

Embrace uncertainty

Humans like routine and familiarity but when your world changes routine goes right out the window. You are to start living day by day and that is ‘ok’. It’s ok not to have all the answers to all of your problems. It’s ok to be sad and mad. Recognise your emotions and let them be but do not become them. Whilst it will be hard, keep things in perspective. Your problem may be consuming your life and overwhelming you but it is not all who you are. It will not be there forever, in time it will pass. Just take each day as it comes and it’s ok not to get it right as long as you are making some progress.

It’s exciting

Really? Yes! Despite the doom, there is excitement to be had. When your world is ripped apart and routine is out the window you are forced to face new situations, do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do and meet new people. I had cups of tea with people I barely new. It turned out they had similar situations in their own lives and where happy to comfort a person in their hour of need. Most people are intrinsically decent and have faced tough times themselves. I found myself mixing with virtual strangers and dating to have companionship. It was either that or another miserable night at home alone. And with it fun new experiences that bring new opportunities and new friends. So there is some glimmer of hope and opportunity to be had when you think life sucks.

“You never know what new people you will meet or what new experience or new opportunity you will have today”

So why Base Camp?

I wanted to do something amazing for myself at a time when life was very grey. It had always been a life long dream to see that sign pointing to Everest Base Camp. So I booked the trip and started training. It was great to have something amazing to look forward too and a goal to train towards. There is nothing more important than a goal to give life – and training – direction, especially when there is so much uncertainty and change surrounding you. I thought I might not be able to enjoy the trip whilst dealing with so much stress but it was the complete opposite. It was exactly what I needed:

• Time for ME
• Doing something amazing
• Achieving a life goal
• Getting away from it all

It was the trip of a lifetime. Seeing base camp for the first time made me well with tears of  joy that touched my soul. The whole trek was inspiring, rejuvenating and spiritually uplifting. I could not recommend something similar highly enough. Challenge yourself, escape, heal and gain clarity.

“It ain’t about the altitude, it’s about the altitude”

Scott Fischer

Be the phoenix 

If you are going through the shit, know others have been there and come through it and you can too. When you are immersed in pain and misery it may seem impossible but it isn’t. You just have to take some action, something small, anything. It’s ok to be sad, to not have the answers, don’t dwell in misery, move past it. A wonderful journey of healing, then self discovery then growth is ahead. You can become better than you were before. I know because I have been through the darkness, seen the light and come out the other side and I know you can do it too.

If you need a wingman, I will fly with you.

It’s taken 18 months but I am now back and better and moving beyond the break up to love life again. Bring it on. I am ready kicking goals again and taking names!

Timo